Fine line

I like working. I like working so much, that sometimes it's too much. It seems that I'm able to convince myself that I'm perfectly ok to work, even though I know I'm not. It happened again this week; I had felt under the weather over the weekend, and on Monday when co-running a workshop I started to lose my voice. I decided, wisely, to rest on Tuesday instead of going to a full day event. And how did my resting look like? Working. For about 4 hours I was going through emails and organizing stuff with colleagues and partners in other agencies. When I finally decided to have a nap, it only resulted in coming up with a great idea (in my opinion), which I wanted to try out. NOW. I got up and played with excel pie charts for 45 min. It was fun, and most likely the results will be useful to my organization, but I didn't have to do it then. I could have easily waited until later.

I think I'm a workaholic. Probably not the worst kind of, but worse than I should. None of my bosses ever had to tell me to work more, most of them have told me to work less. I know they were right, even though I didn't admit it to them then.

Back to this week. After I "rested" on Tuesday, I attended the second half of the event on Wednesday morning. Bad idea. The event was great, but after 30 minutes I was feeling everything but great. Suddenly I was also worried that someone else will catch a cold from me, even though I was frantically using hand sanitizer. I had another workshop scheduled for the same evening, but fortunately this time I listened to my boss, and decided not to even try to go there. Instead I went to a clinic, got antibiotics for a self-diagnosed and doctor-confirmed ear infection.

Came Thursday morning, and another decision time - should I stay or should I go. I would have a 2 hour meeting, not a big deal, but at the same time I knew it would not help with my recovery. I decided to stay at home and rest. And this time resting would really mean resting, not working via emails.

In addition to napping and blowing my nose, I've been thinking about my relationship with work. I really like my work, and working. I'm passionate about it, and determined to get things done. However, both of these have a flip side. Passion can turn into obsession, and determination into stubbornness - or pure stupidness - like this week when I ignored what my body was trying to tell me. Add to the mix dedication, which can turn into addiction by crossing that fine line that separates them. Doesn't sound so good any more?

But I have hope. First of all, even though I like working, I like leisure time and holidays even more. Second, since I can admit my problem, I can also address it: therefore less work, and more naps, saunas, laziness and good time with friends and family will be in my schedule for the weekend, and onwards.

And I am certain that if my brain again let's the balance flip, my body will take control and come up with another clever game stopper, like an ear infection.